Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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