i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
