thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
