i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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