Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
