Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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