Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
