At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
