Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
