it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize