I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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