you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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