we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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