so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
