I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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