what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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