ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
