Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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