just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
