please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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