Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
