Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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