Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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