party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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