quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
