Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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