How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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