i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
