Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
