he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
