You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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