OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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