I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
