well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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