Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
