DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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