It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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