yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
