I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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