Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
