in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
