He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
