We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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