party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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