First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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