I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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