Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
