Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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