Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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