Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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