Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
