Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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