The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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