4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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