i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
