I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
