I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
look no pants
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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