Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
