I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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