Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
