Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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