ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
