Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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