im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
