i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
