I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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