yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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