Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
