someone threw a dead crab at me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
