My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
