dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
