Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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