Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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