pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
