dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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